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I've been in a interesting space in my head over the last few weeks. It's questioning, fearful, uncomfortable, exciting, creative, and has the potential to move me to the next phase of my life. I am 100% certain that a new, and pretty awesome change is about to take place for me. I don't exactly know what it is, or how soon it will happen... but I know it is coming. I'm not sure how I know...I just do.
I've always had a pretty good instinct so I will trust my instinct right now, knowing change is in my future... and it will be pretty awesome.
Because I am someone who knows when it is time to make a change, I also know that the changes I make will generally cause some upheaval in my life. I also know that there are parts of the changes that aren't enjoyable. The good thing is that these parts are manageable if I make sure to take the time to manage them. The areas that generally cause me discomfort or even pain when I am moving into something new, usually revolve around non-tangible things. The discomfort is almost always related to fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of what others will think, fear of causing others discomfort because my pursuit doesn't fit into the mold of what they think I should do. It is fear that really isn't necessary but is always present in some form. I think that it is natural to have some fear when making a big change. The fear is there to help protect on some levels, but it is usually quite irrational and it generally fed by my "ego"...that annoying negative thought pattern that always has an opinion about my choices.
As I work on being open to whatever is next in my life, I've also been working on managing my fears and negative thoughts. There are two things I have been doing that seem to be working well for me. The first thing I've been doing is writing what are called "morning pages". The idea came from a book I have, The Artist's Way. It's about unblocking creativity. I've owned the book and supplemental journal for many years, but had never read it (that is a habit I have....buying books that go unread). As I was working on de-cluttering parts of my house I ran across them. I read the beginning of the book and decided to start on the Morning Pages. In the book there are many other things I could be doing to help open up my creativity...but for now I just need a method and space to clear my head of the things that keep me from being open to what's next.
As soon as I get up in the morning, I head downstairs and sit down at my desk. I pick up my pen and start writing anything that comes to mind. Anything. I have to write 3 whole pages. The actual journal pages are pretty big, so it can be difficult to fill them up. I don't censor myself or worry about my handwriting, grammar or spelling. I just write. I write without stopping, without thinking, without judgement. I am barely awake when I start writing. You see, my "ego" hasn't had time to wake-up to begin editing my writing. I write freely and purely from my heart.
It's amazing how much better I feel after I "dump" all of my thoughts out in the morning. It really does clear my brain for the day. It clears my head of my irrational thoughts as well as gives me focus on the ones that need attention. It's the closest thing to meditation that I have been able to do. It's also pretty awesome.
The other thing I've been doing is a little harder to explain without sounding a little nuts! I'll try to explain it though. :-) Once I am more awake, the negative thoughts start coming out of the dark recesses of my brain. Some call it the ego, my friend Jamie calls it her Chicken Coop (check out her blog!), and I call these negative thoughts my Gremlins. All I do is notice my thoughts. When a negative thought enters my mind, I acknowledge it and then move on. It's simple but powerful. Once I see that I'm being irrational or negative with my thoughts I can move past them. In some of the books I've read, it's also called "mindfulness" or being mindful...whatever it's name is..... it is called "sanity" for me.
As I use these two techniques I find more clarity. Sometimes to get to clarity there is a lot of "stuff" you have to get through. I'm realizing more and more that my "stuff" is irrational stuff. It's all fear based. It's all based on my ego. I'm working on quieting my negative thoughts and trusting my own instincts. My instincts have served me well, when I have listened.
A big change is on the way. I can feel it deep down in my bones. I can't wait to see what it is. It will be good. It will be awesome...and it will happen soon....I can feel it. :-)
I'll be sure to keep you posted!