Life is a funny thing.
In the last two months I have come full circle to things I had left behind during the last two years. I have come back to rediscover things that bring me joy, happiness, creative energy and peace. I have taken a big leap of faith that has brought about a kind of child-like joy that can only be felt and seen, but not described in a way to do it justice.
I AM BACK!
I feel more alive than I have felt in several years. My heart is full, I am creating some beautiful wrinkles on my face because I am smiling and laughing more than I have in a very long time. It's interesting how we can lose ourselves in our lives. How our jobs become our world and how we sacrifice ourselves (our health, relationships, sense of self, etc...) for a paycheck to buy things that we don't even have time to enjoy. A joyful life is what I have always been working on. I don't search for it, I have to create it. Sometimes the creating of a joyful life makes many of those who love me a little bit nervous, but I am scrappy. I can figure it out and make ends meet. You see...when I am truly seeking a joyful life, through hard work, kindness and being true to myself; I create a life that is authentic, fulfilling and meaningful. A life worth living.
It is funny how life decides things for you when you can't decide them for yourself. It is the small voice I have disregarded for a long time that lead to the unimaginable roar that I could no longer ignore. (it can also come in the form of a very knowledgeable and caring doctor showing you that your life is literally killing you quickly and if you (I) don't get off this road you're (I'm) on, life is going to end much sooner than you (I) want it to).
What is amazing is that when I finally embraced what that little voice (and my doctor) was telling me, I had a feeling of relief, wonder and excitement wash over me; all the way down to my bones. There is no more hesitation, second guessing or fear. There are fewer self-deprecating thoughts, feelings of anxiety or concerns about the future. It's pretty damn awesome!
I am also aware that some of these feelings will come back at some point, but I am basking in the joy that I feel today. The joy that comes from making hard decisions that lead to a better life. The joy that comes from realizing that our days with those we love are numbered, and that we have more control over how we spend those days than most of us give ourselves credit for. The joy of realizing that I am the only one with the power to make the decisions that I must make to live the best life I can.
So, going with the theme of this blog, a new phase has started! This isn't a small phase, such as taking on a new hobby. This is the start of a life-changing phase. So, how big is this new phase? Well...
- I quit my job without having another one lined up (I'm scrappy and can figure it out!)
- I have taken a month off and not looked for a job (I started my job search after my one month of unwinding, regrouping, and relaxing! )
- I have been swimming laps 4-5 days a week (I have finally found an exercise I LOVE to do!)
- I have FINALLY been following the expert advice of Marlene Merritt and have been eating healthy foods, given up all fast-foods, sodas and sugar....and that make me feel AWESOME! (she has been waiting for this day to come for over 5 years!)
- I have made time for friends, family, reading, sleeping and anything else that brings me joy
It's a new phase. A big, awesome, exciting, delicious new phase.