A lack of a 5 year plan makes some nervous. This post will not help with that nervous feeling.

Somewhere in our lives we are taught that we need to grow up, be responsible, have a savings account, be insured, buy a house, get married, have a 401K, earn, save, plan and all of the things that supposedly make us "grown". As I was thinking about this idea, I am not that person. I never have been (as you will read...I've tried to be)...but I am here to tell you that it doesn't work for me. 

 In a post a few weeks ago I wrote about my lack of a 5-year plan. That thought has been on my mind a lot lately. I changed careers from one in a more creative field to one that is more stable. Before that I had many various jobs that make my resume look like a patch-work quilt of randomness... I am thankful for all of those amazing adventures. The places I've been, the lessons I've learned, and the amazing people I've met have made my life fun, interesting and pretty fantastic!

My current "career" path is one that has stability and longevity. It's a "respectable" job that has all of the normal bells and whistles that make one "secure". I have moved up quickly in my profession and now that I have reached the level of being a "leader" (I use this term loosely)... I've realized that I moved to my current position for the wrong reasons. When I began in this career it was truly a calling. A moment when I had a realization that I was supposed to become a teacher. It was random, sudden and urgent. It was clear I was meant to follow this path. I went back to school, got my degree and started to teach. it was awesome and I was pretty good at it! I taught for a while and began looking at options. The options were to move into a leadership role. 

My current leadership role came out of necessity (necessity because the position I was in was being cut) as well as a desire to make more money... eventually.  This isn't how I've done things in the past. My choices are based on passion....this was based on money. 

I've ventured away from my calling....to "climb the ladder". I don't regret taking this detour in my life,  because it has allowed me to see that it isn't the path for me. I won't have to wonder if it was meant for me.  I know for sure. It isn't.  I've learned that I like to work where there isn't much that is black and white...where the possibilities outweigh the restrictions and creativity is looked at as a contribution to the greater cause.  Where rules are flexible or created as you go, where taking risk is celebrated and failure is a tool to learn and do something even better.  I'm never going to work for the money again. I'd rather live in a rented studio apartment and have my soul sing on a regular basis because I love what I do, than have lots of stuff that I don't really need. 

As my realization grew that my current job isn't "my calling",  I've discovered that I've missed teaching. Teaching brings me great joy. I love sharing ideas, collaborating with colleagues and helping people discover new things. Teaching is as much about sharing as it is about learning. I miss that. A lot.Where I am now isn't the right "venue" (for lack of a better word). It is too restrictive. I've had to box away parts of myself to fit into my current role. I was very idealistic when I took this job and the reality is clear...I need to be in a place where I can be creative, take risks and ask questions that may seem silly to others but that allow me to grow, flourish, and create. 

I miss parts of me that I feel like I gave-up to "grow up". The risk taker, the parts of me that followed my heart (even when it makes others nervous or uncomfortable). 

In chaos comes clarity. I am working on finding that clarity. It isn't easy, but the rewards are great. 

 Maybe that is why I am going through a phase where I really want to get rid of a lot of the stuff I have acquired over the years. It's just stuff. And I think the more I am attached to my stuff, the more I feel I have to be what is considered 'grown up' so I can afford all of my stuff.

Sure, I know I need some things.... Money for food, bills, and shelter... clothes and books. Insurance is important. I get it. But I think I got lost in my desire to secure a job that made those around me feel secure about my future... and in doing so I was willing to conform to a point that doesn't work for me. Now I'm realizing I need something different.  I am  thankful for the career path I've been on. It's brought me so much joy through the amazing friends I have made as well as the millions of things I have learned about myself through the process...but I think I have come full-circle in realizing that somewhere on this journey I neatly put aside some parts of myself that I really miss.  I'm looking forward to "unpacking" and rediscovering the creative risk-taker that has been on hiatus for a while. 

 watch out world...I'm making a comeback!

~e

Oh Crap. I feel another phase coming on...

I'm feeling a phase I've had in the past trying to make a comeback. This is both fantastic and frightening all at the same time.  It is the "de-cluttering my life" phase. It's a dangerous place.

My de-cluttering phases of years past have usually grown out of necessity. When I moved from a 2 bedroom apartment to a 400 square foot studio, so I could return to school at the age of 30...I sold or donated tons of my stuff. It felt really good. I enjoyed knowing what all of my possessions were and I only kept things I needed.

After finishing school, securing a job and not being a starving college student anymore I began purchasing/obtaining/finding stuff I liked. Over the last few years the amount of crap stuff I have has grown exponentially. I moved into my current dwelling almost 2 years ago. I have a huge indoor storage/attic area that is full. I've only been in there once to look for something. Once. So that tells me that all of the stuff in there is really not important to me. At all. So unimportant that I don't even know what is in there!

I also have a glorified storage closet guest room. It too has become a haven for misfit items. From the guest closet (which, by the way, is bigger than the closet in my room) to under the guest bed. All areas that could hold stuff... have stuff.

So...you ask...how do I know this phase is trying to make a comeback? The proof is in the 9 garbage bags full of clothes I am going to donate and the 6 reusable grocery bags full of books that will be sold at my local Half-Priced Books. I have also filled my recycle bin with stuff...and have only filled one trash bag with actual trash (trying to be eco-friendly in my de-cluttering). Luckily most of the stuff I have can be given away or sold.  This part is the FANTASTIC part.

The frightening part, you ask?

All of this crap is from the guest bedroom/closet and the bookshelf downstairs. I haven't even opened the storage closet upstairs. And it is bigger than my whole guest room and guest closet combined.  I think I'm going to need to tackle that space with a plan (and a bulldozer).  No. You don't need to call A&E to let them know they have a new episode of Hoarders ready to go in ATX. Yes. I do have a lot of stuff, but luckily I also have a home that has lots of closet space. Space to keep crap I don't need.

To be honest, I kind of know what has spurred this little de-cluttering adventure. I am thinking about returning to school next year. If I do that, I know I will downsize and actually have a need to get rid of some of my stuff. I guess I am really just being proactive!

Thinking about going back to school reminded me of the last time I downsized... and I lived a pretty de-cluttered life then. Not just de-cluttered of stuff, but everything else seemed a little more organized. It was nice. It was simple. It worked for me... better than having all of this stuff.

I will be making a trip to Goodwill and Half-Priced books in the morning. My goal is to have the whole downstairs of my house clutter-free before I go to bed tonight. It might be a late night...I wonder if a glass of wine will help?


e~

A girl without a 5 year plan

I saw the video below on one of my favorite blogs [the blog is at best, Pg-13...if you are offended by profanity, I'd tread carefully]

Jenny [The Bloggess] wrote about the fact that she is someone who doesn't have a 5 year plan. I love her even more for posting about it!

 Last weekend when I was deciding if I needed to purchase another journal, I ran across a journal to help someone develop a 5 year plan.

[It was serendipitous that The Bloggess wrote about this topic]

I started thinking about the fact that I don't have a 5 year plan. I really don't even have a 1 year plan. OK. I don't have any plans. I have dreams, aspirations, wants, desires, and goals...but not much of a plan.

I am realizing each day that I don't need some big elaborate plan...because what seems to happen to the elaborate plans that most people make is that life gets in the way of their plan; or they are working SO hard to stick to their plan that life passes them by...and they miss out on so many lovely opportunities to live their life.

Sure...it's good to know how you are going to meet your basic needs..but I keep thinking about how we have gotten so far away from our basic needs that we really don't even know what our basic needs are. That is something I am working on doing. Getting back to the basics. Figuring out what things bring me joy, and finding a way to make the joyful a part of my everyday.  I've been there before. It was when I let things be simple. When I made sure I was doing work that brought me joy, used my strengths and made me excited to get out of bed each morning. I'm not there right now. I like what I do...but I don't love it...and the gap between like and love is a pretty big one. Big enough for joy to fall into the abyss and get lost.

So what is my plan? The only plan I have now is to figure out what's next. Not 5 years from now "next"...but tomorrow or next week...or possibly next month. Sure...I may know what I think I want to do a few months from now....but I don't set the plan in stone because then I am not open to what other possibilities might be out there for me.

If you are a 5 year planner, that's fantastic. It just doesn't work for me. Anyone who has been through as many phases as I have, can't really be a planner. It just isn't in my DNA. (OK..that's a lie. My Dad is a super-planner. He wishes I had received that DNA strand..but I didn't. Sorry Dad....but he can't say that I haven't made life stressful interesting for him with my lack of a plan. LOVE YOU DAD!)

So...I will remain a girl without a 5 year plan. And that's OK.

 I think this video says it perfectly:

love,
e~